The Heaviness of Being

Acrylic on paper, 11.8" x 11.8"

2024

In 2024, I made the weighty decision to leave my home and move to a new city, a choice that triggered profound inner tension. At that time, I read Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being, a novel that explores the dichotomy of lightness and heaviness. Lightness represents a carefree life lacking commitment, while heaviness signifies the responsibilities that come with deep connections to others. Neither state is purely good or bad. Lightness can lead to emptiness, while heaviness can feel burdensome. Inspired by these themes, I sought to explore the concept of heaviness through my painting. The artwork features an overall blue tone that conveys a sense of melancholy. At the centre, a girl appears to be drowning in an ocean. While the unnatural colours in the background create a sense of obscurity, she is also sinking uncontrollably into a mysterious space, with darker hues at the bottom suggesting an infinite abyss. Her posture is passive. She gazes desperately at the surface while allowing herself to fall silently, resisting the urge to struggle against her descent. Through this creative process, I aimed to express the essence of heaviness. In reality, I wrestled with fulfilling multiple roles. I wanted to be a good daughter, caring for my family, yet I also desired to remain with my partner, who had migrated with his family. I could choose a path of lightness by committing less in my relationships, but I decided to embrace the responsibilities and bear the burden of my choice. Also, this was the first time I faced a significant decision filled with uncertainties. As I entered adulthood, I learned that every choice comes with costs. To gain something, we often must lose something else. The weight of being responsible for my own decisions left me feeling overwhelmed. While painting served as an emotional outlet for my heaviness, I found a sense of tranquility after contemplating the artwork for some time. I realised that blue, often associated with melancholy, also embodies calmness. This led me to question whether my perception of heaviness was too pessimistic. In truth, I began to see myself as more mature for having confronted this weight. The girl in my painting, submerged in emptiness, was just a projection of my inner turmoil. Yet, I recognised that I was not alone, as I had a robust support network strengthened by firm relationships. Although the burden in life may sometimes drag me down, I am confident in my power to rise again. When I later shared my artwork with friends, I was struck by their resonance with my emotions. Many agreed that transitioning into adulthood brings increased responsibility and, inherently, greater heaviness. Despite our different circumstances, we each carry our own burdens. Acknowledging the universal existence of heaviness made it feel more bearable, transforming my perspective on the experience. Eventually, I came to appreciate the power of heaviness in growth and resilience building.