Self-portrait
Acrylic on paper, 8.3" x 5.8"
2025
Self-portraiture is always a powerful tool for self-discovery. The creative process not only facilitates personal reflection, but also serves as an emotional outlet, helping reduce anxiety and foster healing. Research over the past decades has consistently highlighted the therapeutic benefits of creating self-portraits, affirming its role in enhancing well-being. Throughout history, many renowned artists have embraced self-portraiture for diverse purposes, from the introspective works of Rembrandt to the bold identity-exploring pieces of Frida Kahlo. I am particularly captivated by the blue self-portrait painted by Vincent van Gogh in 1889, because the swirling brushstrokes and monochromatic colours vividly convey his inner turmoil. Recognising the importance of self-portraiture, I have always wished to create my own portrait. However, this has been challenging for me, as I struggle to appreciate my appearance. During puberty, I often avoided looking in the mirror because the acne on my face triggered unpleasant feelings and lowered my self-esteem. Psychology research suggests that people tend to find symmetrical faces more attractive, yet I noticed that the right side of my face appears lower than the left. Also, while sharp contours are often preferred, my nose is rather flat, which I perceive as unattractive. Additionally, influenced by Korean pop culture, many people in Hong Kong view pale V-shaped faces with large eyes as feminine and elegant, while I was born with darker skin and smaller eyes. To create this self-portrait, I spent hours looking in the mirror for the first time in my life. I purposefully placed a lamp to the left to enhance colour contrast and deepen shadows, allowing my facial features to be more defined. During the creative process, I paid attention to every detail of my face. Although my skin is oily and bears scars from past acne, I realised that I experience fewer breakouts now, likely due to no longer being an adolescent. My face remains asymmetrical, but I had microblading done to make my eyebrows more even and neat. While many people prefer fair hair, I chose to dye my hair and add highlights. These changes prompt me to question whether I am too dependent on others' preferences and whether these adjustments truly reflect my desires or merely societal expectations. I am uncertain if these changes are genuinely beneficial, but I can say that I feel a greater sense of self-confidence with my current appearance. When contemplating the self-portrait, it felt as if it was speaking to me, urging me to love myself, regardless of how others perceive my appearance. Physical appearance is just temporary, while my worth transcends it. At that moment, I found reconciliation with my appearance.